Why our feelings are not our failings

Why our feelings are not our failings- Our feelings are not our failings, but our failure to feel our feelings leads to our failings.

When we go through life, our decisions are often influenced by our feelings. We may act hastily or short-sightedly, driven by the desire for things that feel good or the avoidance of things that feel bad, even if they are not what we initially perceived them to be.

The Bhagavad Gita urges us not to give in to feelings of attachment or aversion (e.g., 2.64, 3.34). However, ensuring that our feelings don’t lead to our failings doesn’t mean we should suppress or get rid of them, nor should we keep them on an unrelenting tight leash. Instead, we need to feel our feelings fully and properly.

Rather than simply reacting—running toward something we like or away from something we dislike—we should delve deeper into our feelings to explore why we feel the way we do. We need to ask: What need is being served by moving toward this? What fear, hurt, or wound is being protected by moving away from that?

Every unhealthy or excessive feeling points to some healthy need that has become distorted. Instead of asking, “Why do I do this?” we can ask, “What does this action do for me?” This approach helps us understand and address our deeper needs.

To better grasp this, consider the physical analogy of lifting a heavy weight. If we feel pain and want to drop it, we should pause and evaluate what might be wrong and how to address it. Similarly, our strong emotional attachments and aversions signal deeper needs or emptiness within us. By exploring and addressing those needs, we can handle our feelings without them dominating us.

When we don’t probe our feelings, they either remain suppressed under rigid control or explode aggressively when that control fails. Feeling our feelings helps us avoid these extremes and enables us to process them so that the underlying needs are appropriately met.

Ultimately, our deepest need is the soul’s need for a connection with Krishna. When this need is fulfilled through an unbreakable bond of love, our attachments and aversions lose their power over us. We can then regulate and redirect our feelings, deepening and enriching our loving connection with Krishna.

Summary:

• Our feelings may impel us toward hasty or short-sighted actions, leading us to run toward or away from things. This can make us mistakenly view our feelings as failings and try to suppress them.
• Strong, overwhelming feelings often point to deeper unaddressed needs manifesting in distorted ways. We should shift our questions from “Why do I run toward this?” to “What does this action do for me?”
• By addressing our deeper needs—especially the soul’s need for a loving connection with Krishna—we can process our feelings constructively and prevent them from becoming our failings.

Think it over:

• Why may we think that our feelings are our failings?
• Why do we need to feel our feelings to ensure that they don’t become our failings?
• How can we change our driving question to better process our feelings?

***

02.64 But a person free from all attachment and aversion and able to control his senses through regulative principles of freedom can obtain the complete mercy of the Lord.