In social circles that value self-control, those people are highly respected who remain calm in a highly provocative situation caused by another person’s outrageous behavior. Craving respect, we may act as if we are unaffected by others’ infuriating behavior even though we are internally enraged. 

Our external restraint can be constructive to the extent that it stops us from aggressive reactions that escalate an already volatile situation. Pertinently, the Bhagavad-gita (12.15) urges us to not be disturbed by others. 

However, our external restraint can be counterproductive if we are merely building an outer reputation of stoicism while suppressing our emotions internally — all the more so if we are creating a precedent for regularly suppressing our emotions. But emotions can’t be suppressed for long; and if repeatedly suppressed, they will eventually explode. When faced with some provocation in the future, we may retaliate. And our retaliation may not be in proportion to that provocation, but may be far harsher due to our past pent-up emotions. Alerting us to avoid such uglier-than-necessary situations, the same Gita verse also urges us to avoid acting in ways that disturb others. 

To understand how we may disturb others disproportionately if we keep suppressing our emotions, consider a vivid metaphor from nature. Suppose a massive earthquake occurs in a coastal area, yet the people living there survive without much damage. But just as they are breathing a sigh of relief, thinking that the chapter of the earthquake is behind them, they are inundated by a tsunami triggered by the same quake. When we manage to restrain our actions in a provocative situation, we are like the quake survivors. But when we suppress our emotions repeatedly till they impel us to destructive behaviors, we end up being like the tsunami victims. 

How can we avoid being thus victimized? By recognizing that we have two responsibilities amid provocations: first, the responsibility to regulate our actions while we are being provoked; second, the responsibility to thereafter process our emotions, not just suppress them. For processing our emotions, we can turn to practices like prayerful introspection, journaling, or counseling with trustworthy friends or guides. By such processing, we can come up with a proper strategy to deal with the underlying bigger issue. This strategy may include: communicating our concerns politely yet clearly to the other person, setting boundaries to prevent the recurrence of those provocations, and devising ways to defuse similar provocations if they still occur. 

Summary: 

Restraining ourselves in a provocative situation caused by someone’s outrageous behavior is like surviving an earthquake, but merely suppressing our emotions without processing them is like leaving ourselves vulnerable to the tsunami triggered by that very quake. 

Think it over: 

  • When is restraining our expression of our emotions constructive? 
  • When is such restraint counterproductive? 
  • How can we apply the Bhagavad-gita’s twofold guideline for dealing with provocations?

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12.15: He by whom no one is put into difficulty and who is not disturbed by anyone, who is equipoised in happiness and distress, fear and anxiety, is very dear to Me.

Audio explanation of the article is here: https://gitadaily.substack.com/p/surviving-the-earthquake-drowning

To know more about this verse, please click on the image