As we are social creatures, we long to belong — we seek some group where we are welcomed, valued and respected. Unfortunately, this longing to be accepted can metastasize into a toxic dependence on others’ approval. Let’s see how this toxicity can unfold in two broad ways.
Rejecting our potential abilities: We all are unique individuals with our distinctive blend of God-given talents. It is both our exciting opportunity and our sobering responsibility to translate these talents into tangible achievements. How? Through commitment. For sustaining such commitment, we need a supportive social group. If our social group doesn’t value our talents, or worse still, if it aggressively devalues our talents, we may become so disheartened as to give up all attempts to develop our abilities. Thus, in wanting to avoid that social circle’s disapproval, we may end up rejecting a vital and valuable part of us: our talents, both manifest and unmanifest.
Rejecting our potential virtues: If we are to do anything worthwhile in our life, we need to inculcate basic virtues such as politeness, cleanliness, gratitude, optimism and far-sightedness. Thankfully, such virtues are potentially present within us because we are at our core parts of the Divine (Bhagavad-gita 15.07), who is the source and shelter of all virtues. But suppose we are surrounded by a social circle that belittles virtues and worse still glamorizes addictive indulgences that inflame our vices. In seeking that circle’s approval, we may end up rejecting the virtues that can empower us to become our best version.
How can we avoid such self-rejection? By remembering regularly that different people have differing, even opposing, worldviews (Bhagavad-gita 02.69). Therefore, we need to conscientiously seek acceptance only in that social circle which inspires us to uncover our best self — which consists of our potential abilities and virtues — not in any social circle that impels us to bury that self.
One-sentence summary:
In getting others to accept you, don’t end up rejecting yourself.
Think it over:
- How may seeking social acceptance lead us to rejecting our potential abilities?
- How may seeking social acceptance lead us to rejecting our potential virtues?
- How can we avoid such self-rejection?
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02.69: What is night for all beings is the time of awakening for the self-controlled; and the time of awakening for all beings is night for the introspective sage.
To know more about this verse, please click on the image
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