How to deal with our past constructively
Boasting about how good our past was can be as childish and pointless as complaining about how bad our past was if it distracts us from our present.
We all have probably encountered people who constantly complain about what life has already given them and how dark and dreadful their past was. Such people don’t seem to realize that life itself is tough for everyone, even if it is far tougher for some than others. Some people have their dark past extending right into the present, so that they have neither the time nor the space to complain. They just need to get on with dealing with serious issues through real actions in order to survive and continue. Complaining about the past is an unaffordable luxury for them.
If someone can afford that luxury, then that means their present is definitely better than their past, and they would be better situated if they used that improved situation to do concrete actions that could help them build a better future. Lamenting about their past and thereby making themselves more miserable in the present is characterized by a perverse determination that is ignorant and self-defeating.
Thankfully for us, we all have a better option. We can focus on our present and look at what is good in our past, even if that may be small, and be grateful for that instead of being resentful about it. However, looking for the good in our past can also go to an extreme, whereby a person starts boasting about how great their past was just to gain some attention, bring attention to themselves, or try to gain the upper hand in a petty game of one-upmanship with someone else whose past might not have been that good, or to compensate for one’s present not being that special by bragging about how great their past was.
While we can easily understand that constantly complaining about one’s past is unhelpful at best and can even be counterproductive at worst, it may not be so easy to recognize that both boasting about our past and constantly complaining about it can have a similar negative effect. Although the exact degree of that negative effect may vary, at the very least, it can keep us distracted from the present, where we may face real challenges that need to be tackled or opportunities that need to be tapped.
However, regardless of how our past might have been, it’s ultimately essential to leave the past in the past. We can see the past as a resource and make the best of it, but we must keep our focus in the present. Longing for the past can be as distracting as lamenting the past. Living in the present is the best way to live fully, and such a way of living becomes easier if we understand that, ultimately, there is a divine plan that shapes our ends. Even if we can’t always see exactly how that plan has shaped our past and is shaping our present, at least an appreciation of the divine hand can keep us from fixating on the past and help us wait for how something good can emerge from our past as part of some higher plan. And the less time we spend fixating on that higher plan, the more we can work in the present.
That’s why it’s best to push aside both lamenting about the past and longing for the past as distractions. Lamenting about our past is unproductive and can even be counterproductive. This can be easily understood in terms of the time, emotion, and energy wasted in such lamenting. Boasting about our past can also be distracting and detrimental if it comes in the way of tackling the challenges of the present and tapping into the opportunities of the present. Avoiding the two extremes of lamenting the past and longing for the past, we could focus on doing our best in the present and cultivating patience in our perspective of our past, knowing that a divine plan is shaping our life and can bring good from our past, both from its negatives and its positives, if we play our part in that plan by being diligent in the present.
Summary:
- Boasting about the past or lamenting it may seem opposite, but both distract us from the present where real growth happens.
- Instead of resenting or glorifying our past, we can gratefully use it as a resource while focusing on present responsibilities and opportunities.
- With faith in the divine plan, we can let the past rest, live fully in the present, and prepare wisely for the future.
Think it over:
- Recollect any time when you saw someone lamenting about their past. What did you recognize in their lamenting, and how can you counter similar tendencies in yourself?
- Recollect an incident when you noticed someone boasting about their past and recognized it as a petty distraction and time waster. How can you counter such tendencies in yourself?
- How can a devotional vision of life help us view our past constructively?
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18.35 And that determination which cannot go beyond dreaming, fearfulness, lamentation, moroseness and illusion – such unintelligent determination, O son of Pṛthā, is in the mode of darkness.
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