Can’t hold the mind still?
Even if we can't hold our mind still, we can still hold ourselves still. Suppose a mother is trying to get her child to sit [...]
What is emotional maturity?
Sometimes when a person starts crying or lamenting or wallowing in self-pity when something goes wrong with them, when something they need or want doesn't [...]
Whom NOT to turn to for processing our emotions
When someone behaves outrageously and triggers within us strong emotions such as revengefulness or resentfulness, it is essential that we find a balance between expressing [...]
The transformative power of deep listening
When we are conversing with someone about a subject close to their heart, we can connect better with them through deep listening. Such listening enables [...]
The price for becoming wise
When we have some questions, we may hesitate to ask them thinking that others may consider us foolish for having those questions. Such a fear [...]
Is seeking social acceptance leading us to self-rejection?
As we are social creatures, we long to belong — we seek some group where we are welcomed, valued and respected. Unfortunately, this longing to [...]
How to be detached in our relationships
We are social creatures who need relationships to be emotionally nourished. Yet many traditions emphasize detachment as a primary requirement for spiritual growth. For example, [...]
Taking responsibility to help others choose wisely (Balancing independence and guidance series 7)
After Krishna concludes the Bhagavad-gita’s message, he asks Arjuna a two-part question: Has he heard attentively? Have his illusions been dispelled? (18.72) This question reflects [...]
How Krishna precedes enlightenment with encouragement (Balancing independence and guidance 7)
In the Bhagavad-gita’s sixth chapter, Arjuna enquires about the fate of the unsuccessful yogi. In a question that spans three full verses (06.37-39), Arjuna asks [...]
How Krishna addresses Arjuna’s concerns empathically (Balancing independence and guidance 6)
In the Bhagavad-gita’s sixth chapter, Krishna outlines the process of dhyana-yoga. This process for attaining self-realization centers primarily on cultivating equanimity of the mind toward [...]
Respecting others while refuting their misconceptions (Balancing independence and guidance 5)
When Arjuna surrenders to Krishna, seeking guidance about dharma, Krishna begins his response with words that can seem like a strong chastisement: “Your words are [...]
How Krishna respects Arjuna’s independence before giving guidance (Balancing independence and guidance series 4)
Suppose we can give good advice to someone whom we are not officially or relationally obligated to advice. If we advise them before they seek [...]
How to give guidance while respecting people’s independence (Balancing independence and guidance series 3)
Suppose a student seeks career guidance from an older relative. If that relative has previously been blamed by others for career choices that didn’t work [...]
Why we may provide guidance without respecting independence (Balancing independence and guidance series 2)
Whenever we offer guidance, we act based on our implicit conceptions about what guidance is meant to do. For example, we may see ourselves as [...]
Why both independence and guidance matter (Balancing independence and guidance series 1)
When we are in relationships that involve instructing and inspiring others such as parenting or coaching, one of our biggest challenges is to balance giving [...]
How to respond when someone hurts us?
When someone speaks harshly or acts cruelly toward us, how we respond depends primarily on their disposition. The Bhagavad-gita (16.04) mentions two distinct dispositions: godly [...]
To avoid emotional extremes, center your emotions on the eternal, not the external
We sometimes experience mood swings, whereby small good things make us elated and more commonly small bad things make us dejected. If such mood swings [...]
When we react to atrocity with fury, we give the forces of illusion control over both sides of the war
Suppose two countries start fighting because one of them has done something terrible. Suppose further that one side is usually good and the other routinely [...]
Those who don’t find the reprehensible reprehensible, are reprehensible
Suppose someone sits and works and lives in a place that is dirty and stinky. If they don't find anything wrong with their surroundings, we [...]
The causes of anger rarely hurt us as much as the consequences of anger
Suppose someone insults us. Feeling angry, we lash out at them. They feel hurt and react defensively or aggressively, doing things that hurt us further. [...]
To be compassionate, be both caring and careful
Suppose a doctor is asked to travel to an epidemic zone to treat patients. To take up such an assignment, they would need to have [...]