Don’t use others to feel better about yourself, learn from others how to become better
When we are distressed, we often need someone to unburden ourselves to. While that is an understandable and even essential human need, it can become [...]
Self-pity makes feel-bad seem feel-good
Suppose we are in physical pain. We will naturally do whatever we can to free ourselves from that pain as soon as possible. While such [...]
If we justify our weaknesses by comparing ourselves with those who are weaker, we weaken our motivation to rectify ourselves
Suppose we have a weakness, say, a short temper. Driven by anger, we may speak and do things that we know we shouldn’t. Indeed, anger [...]
Even if we are feeling miserable, that doesn’t give us the right to make others miserable Gita 17.16
When something goes wrong in our lives, we may feel hurt, irritated, dejected. If we give in to bouts of self-pity and start repeating our [...]
Those who don’t respect themselves are most agitated when others don’t respect them
When others disrespect us, we naturally feel hurt. But some people go beyond feeling hurt to wanting to hurt others, and hurt them disproportionately. Why [...]
Be childlike, not childish
Children have a charm to them. They have an innocence and freshness to them that lightens and brightens the world around them. They bring out [...]
The notion that love can exist outside of sacrifice is a dangerous lie
In today’s world, many people equate love with feel-good. When they experience an overwhelming hormonal rush that makes them feel attracted and captivated by someone, [...]
To be nice is not to be naive — it is to be free from the control of vice
Some people say, “If you are nice, you will be exploited by others.” They equate being nice with being naive, with the starry-eyed belief that [...]
Commitment is emotional investment, attachment is emotional dependence
During the course of our relationship with our loved ones, we may get the question: How can we be committed without being attached? By being [...]
Trying to get even with others gets us at odds with ourselves
Whenever anyone hurts us, a natural human tendency is to want to get even with them, “The way you have hurt me, I will hurt [...]
When you feel like giving up, start looking up – not sentimentally, but spiritually
When life seems overwhelming, we may feel like giving up. As a last-ditch effort, we may look up. Whether looking up will help depends on [...]
Boring people find people boring
We all probably know some people who bore us to death. Nothing they say or do interests us – and they keep saying and doing [...]
Find your own story or you will become a bit player in someone else’s story
Suppose we have a significant part in a story being enacted in a mega-theater where multiple plays are going on simultaneously. But suppose someone misleads [...]
Mind your mind before you mind anyone else’s mind
Suppose someone’s misbehavior irritates us. We may tell them off: “Why are you letting your mind take you for a ride?” Even if what we [...]
Humility means to focus on how we can serve, not on what we deserve
In life, we frequently feel that we don’t get what we deserve. For example, we may work tirelessly on a project, yet our team may [...]
To be assertive, we sometimes need to be aggressive, adequately and adeptly
The nature of people, and the nature of life itself, is such that we are sometimes put in confrontation with others. Amidst such face-offs, we [...]
Don’t be annoyed that people are so bad, be amazed that they aren’t worse
People can annoy us in innumerable ways – they can be incompetent, insensitive, forgetful, lazy, dumb. If we let ourselves get annoyed by them, we [...]
Between naiveté and cynicism is the courage to trust
When we are inexperienced, we may naïvely believe that everyone is entirely trustworthy. Exploiting our naiveté, self-interested people will sooner or later take us for [...]
Never make irreversible decisions based on reversible emotions
Our emotions can easily mislead us. When we become strongly emotional, we tend to make snap decisions. Such decisions can be detrimental, sometimes devastatingly detrimental. [...]
To resolve conflicts, begin with the 1% commonality, not the 99% differences
Whenever we have a conflict with someone, our attention naturally goes to the area of conflict: we want to do things in one way; they, [...]
Those who are not humble often help us to become humble
Dealing with arrogant people can be annoying and draining. To view such people positively, we can see interactions with them as opportunities to become humble. [...]