We are sometimes placed in situations where we need to give negative feedback. If we dislike the person, we might be overly eager, perhaps even aggressive, in delivering it. If we like the person, we might hesitate, becoming excessively soft or vague. Regardless of our disposition, negative feedback often doesn’t yield the desired constructive change. Instead, it can lead to defensiveness or confrontation.
While we can’t control how others react, there are ways to increase the likelihood that feedback will be received positively, or at least less negatively.
The Bhagavad Gita (16.2) identifies aversion to fault-finding as a hallmark of a divine disposition. This doesn’t mean we never point out faults; it means we don’t take pleasure in it. When we give negative feedback, our goal should not be to assert superiority but to genuinely help the other person improve. Avoiding judgmental language and blanket statements such as “You’re irresponsible” or “You’re insensitive” is essential. Such statements trigger defensiveness and block meaningful dialogue.
The AID framework for positive feedback
We can use the acronym AID—Action, Impact, Desired behavior—to structure our feedback constructively.
- Action
Clearly describe the specific action that needs addressing. For instance:
“You arrived 25 minutes late for the meeting.”
“You used a word that has negative connotations for some team members.”
“You failed to keep your promise to complete a task and didn’t provide an explanation.”
Grounding feedback in observable facts rather than opinions makes it less debatable and more objective.
- Impact
Explain the consequences of the action in concrete terms, avoiding overly emotional or judgmental phrasing. For example:
“When you arrived late, the team of 25 people had to wait, losing 375 cumulative minutes of work time.”
“Your choice of words caused discomfort among team members, which disrupted the meeting.”
Clearly stating the impact helps the recipient understand why their action matters and why it needs to change.
- Desired behavior
Specify what needs to be done to prevent recurrence. Provide clear, actionable steps:
“Please plan your schedule to ensure you arrive on time or even a few minutes early for critical meetings.”
“Anticipate traffic delays or other factors and plan accordingly.”
If possible, tie the feedback to an immediate opportunity for improvement:
“Tomorrow’s meeting is at 10 a.m. Please ensure you are on time.”
When feedback doesn’t lead to change
If, after following this structured approach, the individual still doesn’t improve, it might indicate a mismatch between the person and the role. In such cases, transitioning them out of the role can be handled objectively, without appearing arbitrary or harsh, as the feedback process establishes clear expectations and accountability.
Summary:
To give negative feedback positively and maximize the chances of constructive change:
- Avoid taking pleasure in fault-finding or asserting superiority.
- Use the AID framework:
Action: Clearly describe what was done.
Impact: Explain the tangible consequences of the action.
Desired behavior: Outline specific steps for improvement.
By following this approach, we create the best conditions for transformation or objectively determine if a person is unsuited for their current role.
Think it over:
- Recall an incident when your negative feedback led to confrontation instead of transformation.
- Analyze which part of the AID framework you need to improve—Action, Impact, or Desired behavior.
- List three steps you can take to enhance your ability to apply that aspect effectively.
***
16.02 Nonviolence; truthfulness; freedom from anger; renunciation; tranquillity; aversion to faultfinding; compassion for all living entities; freedom from covetousness; gentleness; modesty; steady determination; … [– these transcendental qualities, O son of Bharata, belong to godly men endowed with divine nature.]
The head is succumbed to the desires from mouth