When we are attached to someone, we become desperately dependent on their approval. We feel as if we cannot live with ourselves if they don’t like us. In that desperation, we may even abandon the values we hold sacred or the purposes that give our life meaning—all just to remain in someone’s good books.

By both nature and culture, we humans are social creatures. So it’s natural that we want to be liked. Being disliked—especially by someone close—is rarely pleasant. At times, the desire to be liked can be healthy. It may motivate us to improve ourselves. But such positive change happens only when the other person is virtuous, is truly our well-wisher, and has reasonable expectations. If any of these are missing, then shaping our entire life around earning their approval can be suffocating—or even degrading.

A tragic example of such unhealthy attachment is Dhritarashtra’s relationship with his son Duryodhana. The blind king, out of blind love, became complicit in his son’s immoral and atrocious actions against the Pandavas. Even with the looming threat of a devastating war that could annihilate his dynasty, Dhritarashtra couldn’t think beyond his son’s success. His partisanship was evident even in language—he referred to the Pandavas not as his grandchildren but as “Pandu’s sons.”

We too can examine our relationships to check whether we are becoming unhealthily attached. Are we fixated—perhaps even obsessed—with being liked by someone? In such cases, the dominant emotion in the relationship is no longer joy or affection but fear and pain. It feels as though a crushing burden weighs us down, and every action we take is driven by the fear of upsetting the other person.

That’s when a relationship stops being a connection and starts feeling like a job. A dreary, draining, full-time job—where there’s no break, no joy, and worst of all, we slowly lose ourselves in the desperate attempt to win another’s favor.

One-Sentence Summary:

Attachment reduces a relationship to a full-time job driven by fear—the fear of not being liked.

Think It Over:

1. Why do we crave being liked by others?

2. When does the desire to be liked start harming us instead of helping?

3. Is there any relationship in your life that feels like a burden—and is it marked by unhealthy attachment?