How to be flexible without being sentimental – The first chapter of the Bhagavad-gita begins with a description of Kurukshetra as a battlefield, where two opposing armies of cousins, the Kauravas and the Pandavas, have assembled, ready to fight.
After both sides blow their conches, signaling that the war is about to begin, Arjuna suddenly requests his charioteer, Krishna, to take their chariot to the middle of the battlefield so he can see the members of the opposing army.
Although Arjuna had come to the battlefield with a firm intention to fight, the sight of several generations of his relatives assembled on the opposite side drives home the gravity and inevitability of the fratricidal war about to unfold. He becomes overwhelmed by second thoughts, unable to decide whether to proceed. How to be flexible without being sentimental
Instead, he finds himself increasingly consumed and controlled by the feeling that the gains from the war—in the form of a kingdom—are far too meager to justify the enormous bloodshed and the devastation of entire dynasties that would result from the war.
Without delving into the specifics of the war’s rationale, let us focus on the underlying principle demonstrated here and the question it raises:
When we approach a situation with a particular intention, but our actual, ground-level perception of the situation makes us rethink that intention, what should we do?
Should we stick to our intention, disregarding our perception?
Or should we abandon our intention based solely on our perception?
This universal dilemma can be visualized as a pendulum, with three possibilities:
1. Prioritizing intention over perception as the left side of the pendulum.
2. Prioritizing perception over intention as the right side of the pendulum.
3. Finding a balance by deliberating on both intention and perception before arriving at a reasonable, responsible decision, as the middle stage of the pendulum.
Let us explore these three possibilities:
1. Prioritizing intention over perception
This approach can lead to inflexibility and unreasonableness.
Suppose we are in a conflict with someone and, based on our past interactions, we expect them to be confrontational. Consequently, we approach the situation with a highly defensive or combative mindset. However, upon arrival, we find that the other person is unexpectedly conciliatory, perhaps due to a recent humbling experience or personal loss.
If we persist with a “take no prisoners” approach, we may inadvertently create further antagonism and perpetuate a conflict that could have been resolved amicably.
Sticking rigidly to our intention, without considering the actual ground reality, makes us inflexible and unreasonable. While we may have used our intelligence beforehand to solidify our intention, it is crucial to remain adaptable and assess the situation as it unfolds.
2. Prioritizing perception over intention
This approach can make us sentimental, gullible, and unreliable.
Imagine entering the same confrontational situation but, upon seeing the conciliatory gestures of the other person, deciding to abandon our intention entirely to avoid making them feel bad. This might lead to a settlement where our rights are completely compromised.
Alternatively, consider someone who goes to a shopping mall during a sale with a specific list of items to buy. However, upon seeing numerous items with attractive discounts, they end up purchasing dozens of unplanned things, spending all their savings meant for a new house or their child’s college education.
Letting our immediate perceptions override our intentions can often lead to poor decisions. We may be manipulated by others who put on a facade, or our vulnerabilities may be exposed in the moment, causing us to act impulsively. Worse still, if these perceptions are deliberately engineered by someone with malicious intent, we may end up being misled and ruined.
3. Balancing intention and perception
The middle stage of the pendulum involves thoughtfully deliberating on both intention and perception before arriving at a reasonable, responsible decision. We cannot dismiss the intelligence we have invested in building up our intention. At the same time, we cannot leave no space for the use of our intelligence when we face the actual situation.
This requires us to be thoughtful so that we can reconcile being purposeful and being resourceful. To be purposeful means to have a clear understanding of the purpose we wish to serve through our particular intention in that situation. To be resourceful means to recognize that sometimes we cannot stick to one approach all the time for pursuing that purpose. Instead, we need to be open to a variety of approaches. We need to consider what resources are available to us and what resources may have become available to us because of the changed reality, as we may have perceived it. Then, we make a decision accordingly.
When we are thus thoughtful, in the sense of being both purposeful and resourceful, we can be flexible without being gullible, and we can be unswayable without being unreasonable.
Quite often, arriving at such a balance on our own is difficult. That is why we need access to guidance and counsel from those who are more experienced than us. For Arjuna, that guidance was available through the presence of Krishna, the Divine descended on Earth.
At the start of the first chapter, Arjuna was ready to fight based on his intention. By the end of the first chapter, he had put aside his bow, being utterly unwilling to fight based on his perception. At the start of the second chapter, specifically in 2.7, he turns to Krishna for deliberation—a deep discussion about determining the right thing to do or determining one’s dharma. That is how the wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita is spoken.
While we may not have direct access to God, we can still turn toward those who are wise, especially those who are saintly and devoted to God. Through our own prayerful contemplation and their judicious inputs, we can arrive at a more balanced understanding of how to proceed in our lives.
Summary:
- When faced with difficult situations, we must avoid extremes of prioritizing either intention or perception alone, as both lead to complications.
- Thoughtful deliberation, considering the purpose behind our intention and resources based on our perception, helps us make balanced decisions.
- Seeking guidance from wise counselors complements our contemplation and leads to flexible yet firm decisions.
Think it over:
- Recollect a situation where you stuck to your intention without considering your perception and how it led to unnecessary complications. What can you learn from it?
- Reflect on a time when you let your decision be solely determined by your perception, gave up on your intentions, and were taken for a ride by someone. What lessons emerge?
- Consider any confrontational situation you may face in the near future and plan how you can balance your intention and perception.
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