When being truthful makes us unhelpful – Suppose a first-grade student struggling with math approaches their teacher and says: “This is so difficult.” And the teacher shows the student a 500-page book filled with triple integral calculus and says: “This is what you have to study in the future. Compared to that, what you are studying is so simple. Stop complaining; start studying.” Such an answer may leave the student with a lifelong fear of math. What the teacher spoke might be truthful, but it is utterly unhelpful. How might the teacher have done better? Focus on addressing the student’s present difficulty, thereby assisting and encouraging them to keep studying. 

In a similar vein, the Bhagavad-gita (03.26) urges us to not disturb others’ minds even if they are ignorant or attached — instead, engage them expertly so that they can make gradual spiritual progress. How can we apply this verse practically? Two ways. 

Don’t focus inordinately on what is truthful: Suppose someone can’t follow certain spiritual principles or practices; their present conceptions or concerns about what is valuable are obstructing them in connecting with what is ultimately valuable. If in the name of speaking the truth, we deride their conceptions or dismiss their concerns, we may offend, intimidate, or demoralize them so much that they quit spiritually. 

Focus primarily on what is helpful: When others’ voice their conceptions or concerns, we can take that as an opportunity to understand their current level on the spiritual path. If we couple such empathic hearing with a prayerful service attitude, we will be better able to discern how to aid them in removing the obstacle presently blocking them and in taking the next step toward spiritual growth.  

One-step summary:

When speaking with others, don’t focus inordinately on what is truthful; focus primarily on what is helpful. 

Think it over:

  • Have you ever found someone’s truthful words unhelpful?
  • By focusing inordinately on being truthful, have you ever alienated anyone?
  • When guiding others, how can you shift your focus from truthfulness to helpfulness?

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So as not to disrupt the minds of ignorant men attached to the fruitive results of prescribed duties, a learned person should not induce them to stop work. Rather, by working in the spirit of devotion, he should engage them in all sorts of activities [for the gradual development of Krishna consciousness].

When being truthful makes us unhelpful