Bhagavad Gita 1.30

na ca śaknomy avasthātuṁ

bhramatīva ca me manaḥ

nimittāni ca paśyāmi

viparītāni keśava

 

“I cannot stand here, my mind reels in fear,

I see signs of disaster everywhere.

My heart sinks in utter despair,

O Keśava, I’m lost in care.”

 

My dear Lord, there are times in my life when the entire structure of meaning that sustains my decisions and direction seems to crumble. Nothing makes sense, and no path before me seems to lead to a better situation or brighter future. All my choices appear to be lose-lose.

In these moments of utter metaphysical dysfunction that also trigger a physical dysfunction, I can neither think clearly nor act purposefully. I beg you, my Lord, bless me so that I can see such moments as opportunities to become truly open to your structure of meaning.

Bless me, O Lord, that through my daily acts of devotion and devotional study, I may understand your glory a bit more with each passing day. Let these practices prepare me for those moments of crisis.

Let me see the days when I can make sense of my life through my own analysis not as proof that I don’t need you, but as a gift from you—granting me direction through my head on those days. May I always remember that it is your grace, not my intellect, that guides me.

Prepare me, O Lord, through these days of clarity, for those days when you choose to gift me the vision of the path ahead by sidelining my head and reaching straight to my heart. Let me embrace the days when you reach my heart through my head as preparation for the times when you reach my heart without going through my head.

***

01.30 I am now unable to stand here any longer. I am forgetting myself, and my mind is reeling. I see only causes of misfortune, O Kṛṣṇa, killer of the Keśī demon.