When we are trying to develop a closer relationship with someone, we may naturally ask ourselves: Is this relationship healthy or unhealthy? To answer, we can look at the effect of that relationship on us. 

For analyzing such an effect, we can consider the two-level model of the self alluded to in the Bhagavad-gita (06.05). We all have a higher self and a lower self — we need to elevate the lower self with the higher self, not degrade the higher self with the lower self. Our higher self is driven by the values we aspire to develop and the purposes we strive to achieve, whereas our lower self is largely driven by cravings and short-sighted impulses for instant pleasures. Nourishing our higher self is primarily our individual responsibility, yet part of that responsibility also involves considering how our relationships are influencing our choices in terms of which self they fuel: higher or lower. 

Unhealthy relationship: In getting closer to the other person in a relationship, if we end up pandering to our own cravings or even the other person’s cravings in a way that brings out our lower self, then that relationship is moving toward being unhealthy. It is natural that everyone will have certain needs that may be less than uplifting, but if the entire relationship revolves around catering to those needs, that points to a borderline unhealthy relationship. If pursuing a relationship requires us to repeatedly neglect or reject our values, then that relationship is seriously unhealthy for us. Furthermore, if a relationship demands that we sideline and sabotage our spiritual values— specifically, the practices and principles that are meant to help us realize our higher self in our spiritual glory as parts of the divine—then such a relationship is toxically unhealthy.

Healthy relationship: Such a relationship inspires us to act according to our higher self, empowering us to become better versions of ourselves. If a relationship boosts our spiritual values, encouraging and enabling us to better adhere to the practices and principles that help us realize our hidden spirituality, then that relationship is robustly healthy, for it prompts us to bring our consciousness closer to our non-material core.

Summary:

In a healthy relationship, trying to get closer to the other person brings us closer to our higher spiritual self; whereas in an unhealthy relationship, attempting to get closer to the other person takes us further away from ourselves.

Think it over:

  • How can we know whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy?
  • What effects characterize an unhealthy relationship?
  • What effects characterize a healthy relationship?

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06.05: One must deliver himself with the help of his mind, and not degrade himself. The mind is the friend of the conditioned soul, and his enemy as well.

Audio explanation of this article is here: https://gitadaily.substack.com/p/is-this-relationship-healthy-or-unhealthy
Is this relationship healthy or unhealthy?

To know more about this verse, please click on the image