Whenever we have a difference of opinion with someone, wherein despite our best attempts to persuade them, they just don’t seem to get our point, we tend to become cross with them. Though such a reaction is understandable, it is utterly unhelpful.
When we become cross with others, our tone and overall demeanor become hostile, aggressive, or even derisive. This disposition only makes the other person double down on their position, either in a defensive or a counter-aggressive mood. This increases polarization and decreases the possibility of resolution.
To avoid such an unfortunate turn of events, the first thing we need to do is make it a point to not become cross with the other person. Instead of making our point more forcefully, we need to pause and explore the cause of why the other person is not able to understand our point, or more appropriately, why we are not able to get our point across to them.
Thus, we take responsibility for effective communication and place the onus on our articulation of the point, instead of on the other person’s obstinacy or stupidity, as we would either consciously or unconsciously imply when we become cross with them. Therein, our readiness to introspect and improve can help us better articulate the point, thereby increasing the chances that it will be heard and accepted. Our more reflective demeanor, as contrasted with an aggressive demeanor, may also inspire the other person to become more reflective rather than defensive or aggressive.
To help us adopt such an approach, we can apply the Bhagavad Gita’s guideline for effective speaking (17.15): speak in a way that is not just truthful and helpful but also pleasing at best and non-agitating at least. The more we consider not just the content of our speech but also the impact that speech has on the other person, the more we can avoid the tendency to get cross and increase the probability of getting our point across.
Summary:
To get our point across, make it a point to not get cross.
Think it over:
- How does getting cross with others affect our communication with them?
- How can we avoid getting cross?
- Contemplate any recent interaction when you got cross. How could you have avoided that?
You can hear audio version of the article here:
https://gitadaily.substack.com/p/how-to-speak-more-effectively-cross
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17.15: Austerity of speech consists in speaking words that are truthful, pleasing, beneficial, and not agitating to others, and also in regularly reciting Vedic literature.
To know more about this verse, please click on the image
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