To be upright means to have high moral integrity and resistance to temptation or corruption. On the other hand, to be uptight means to be rigid, anxious, and overly strict, adhering to rules without considering time, place, and circumstances. The Bhagavad Gita (16.1), while listing the qualities that comprise a godly nature, emphasizes that such individuals are gentle yet steady in their convictions—they are upright without being uptight.

When we are gentle in our dealings, we speak softly and affectionately, conducting ourselves in a way that is graceful and pleasing, or at least non-agitating, to others. Life can be hard and sometimes harsh, filled with challenges that require us to be resilient. When we encounter adversities or even atrocities, life’s harshness can feel overwhelming, especially when surrounded by others who are also hard and harsh. In such times, encountering just one gentle person can provide immense relief and joy.

For example, when Lord Ram was distressed due to his separation from Sita, Hanuman’s gentle manner and speech, disguised as a Brahmin, immediately pacified and comforted him. We can all add more gentleness to the world by striving to be gentle in our speech and conduct.

However, being gentle does not mean being fickle. Fickleness is a lack of steady attention, determination, or conviction. Fickle people cannot be relied upon in times of need or to stand by their convictions. Their attention and focus may wander, leading to neglect of important responsibilities. In contrast, those who are steady and not fickle have learned to regulate or purify their mind, elevating it above impurities that make it fickle.

Gentle people are sometimes mistaken for being weak or easily manipulated. However, a person who lives for a higher cause, such as devotion to the divine, combines gentleness with firmness. This combination arises from a service attitude, where they wish to bring light and warmth into a world filled with uncertainty. They are not uptight, avoiding rigidly imposing their standards on others, especially those who aren’t prepared to meet those standards. Instead, they maintain a comforting manner while staying true to their personal convictions and values.

For example, Hanuman, when sent on a mission to find Sita, was unwavering in his resolve despite facing numerous distractions and temptations. His dedication exemplifies how being firm and not fickle can serve a higher purpose. Gentle yet firm people seek to uplift others without pandering or compromising their values.

When we cultivate both gentleness and firmness—being upright without being uptight—we can avoid two extremes. We won’t be so gentle that we become pliable and easily manipulated, nor so firm that we make others uncomfortable or push them away. By striving for balance, we can lead a life of virtue that uplifts both ourselves and others.

Summary:

  • Given how hard and harsh life can be, we should try to be gentle in our speech and conduct to bring warmth and light into the lives of those afflicted by stress and distress.
  • We need to be upright, maintaining our determination and conviction without being swayed by worldly pressures or pleasures.
  • Being upright doesn’t mean making others uncomfortable, and being gentle doesn’t mean being easily manipulated. Striking this balance allows us to be gentle without being fickle and upright without being uptight.

Think it over:

  • Recollect any incident when you interacted with a gentle person, especially when troubled, and how it affected you.
  • Recollect any incident when you interacted with someone of firm convictions and how that interaction inspired you.
  • Recollect any incident where your attempt at gentleness swayed into fickleness or, conversely, where an attempt to be upright made you uptight. Contemplate how you can avoid such extremes.

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16.03 Vigor; forgiveness; fortitude; cleanliness; and freedom from envy and from the passion for honor – these transcendental qualities, O son of Bharata, belong to godly men endowed with divine nature.