We all need to develop resilience because life is hard—it will knock us down sooner or later. Resilience is largely determined by what goes on inside us when we face setbacks. If our internal thoughts are disempowering, we will fall apart, becoming the opposite of resilient—brittle, and eventually bitter.
One of the most accessible and powerful ways to change our inner world is by changing the question that drives our thoughts, emotions, desires, and ultimately, our actions. When something goes unexpectedly wrong, the default question that dominates our mind is often some variant of: “Why can’t I change this?”
This question is a recipe for frustration because it fixates our attention on what is unchangeable about a situation. Letting this question go unchallenged locks us in a cycle of helplessness, leading to self-sabotaging thought patterns. The Bhagavad Gita (18.35) cautions against such thought loops.
A small shift in this driving question can create a huge shift in our inner focus. Instead of asking, “Why can’t I change this?” we can ask, “What can I change about this?” This subtle shift directs our focus toward whatever options are available within the limitations of the adverse situation.
The more we maintain this focus, the more we will discover actions—however small—that can improve the situation. Often, it is these small steps that eventually take us to a better place externally. More importantly, the very act of taking those steps shifts our internal state—from being resentful about what we can’t change to becoming resourceful about what we can.
The wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita helped Arjuna make this same shift. He couldn’t change the fact that he had to fight a war against his own relatives, who had unscrupulously grabbed power. But he could ensure that by removing such power-hungry and destructive forces, the world would be spared unnecessary conflicts where even good people ended up suffering on the wrong side.
Even if the specifics of our own challenges differ from Arjuna’s, we can draw inspiration from how the Gita made him resilient. That same wisdom can help us reframe our driving question and find a more constructive way to face adversity.
Summary:
- To build resilience, shift the driving question in your mind from “Why can’t I change this?” to “What can I change about this?”
- This small change in perspective helps us shift from feeling helpless and resentful to becoming resourceful and proactive.
- The Bhagavad Gita’s wisdom helped Arjuna become resilient by focusing on what he could change, rather than what he couldn’t. The same wisdom can help us too.
Think it over:
- Contemplate a situation where you need to be resilient. What driving question dominates your mind during such times?
- How can you change your driving question to bring more positivity and resilience into your life?
- How did the wisdom of the Gita help Arjuna become resilient, and how can it help you?
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18.35 And that determination which cannot go beyond dreaming, fearfulness, lamentation, moroseness and illusion – such unintelligent determination, O son of Pṛthā, is in the mode of darkness.
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