Answer:

First, there is no scriptural basis for the idea that we should always be strict with ourselves and lenient with others. It may be a useful rule of thumb in some situations, but it is not a scripturally mandated principle.

The Bhagavad-gita (12.13) states that the devotee is adveṣṭā sarva-bhūtānāṁ maitraḥ karuṇa eva ca—non-envious, friendly, and compassionate toward all living beings. It does not say, “Compassionate toward everyone except oneself.” We are meant to be compassionate toward everyone, including ourselves.

However, compassion is not the opposite of firmness. Sometimes compassion expresses itself through leniency, and sometimes through firmness.

If someone has made a mistake but refuses to acknowledge it, refuses to reform, or refuses even to regret it, then compassion may require allowing that person to experience appropriate consequences so that the gravity of their actions and their effects can register within them.

On the other hand, if someone is sincerely trying to change but repeatedly stumbles because of deep-rooted conditioning, then the wiser response is often patient encouragement. We help them take small, incremental steps forward and provide gentle support so that, even if they fall, they can rise again more easily.

The same principle applies to us. If we are merely making excuses for our mistakes, we may need firmness and self-discipline. But if we are sincerely struggling against long-standing conditioning, we need not harsh self-condemnation but compassionate encouragement.

The standard, therefore, is not to be strict with ourselves and lenient with others. The standard is to be compassionate with everyone—including ourselves—and wise enough to know when compassion requires firmness and even chastisement, and when it requires gentleness and even encouragement.

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12.13 One who is not envious but is a kind friend to all living entities, who does not think himself a proprietor and is free from false ego, who is equal in both happiness and distress, who is tolerant …. [– such a devotee of Mine is very dear to Me.]