How to give guidance while respecting people’s independence  – Suppose a student seeks career guidance from an older relative. If that relative has previously been blamed by others for career choices that didn’t work out as hoped, they may hesitate to give guidance. Or they may hesitate if they find that the student has already made up their mind about what they want to do and are just going through the motions of enquiring because they have been told to. 

The relative may feel, “This person has their own independence; let them do what they want.” While their feelings are understandable, their decision to give no guidance is problematic. Why? Because they are universalizing from some negative experiences. If they have the experience and expertise to help the student understand the challenges and opportunities associated with various career options, they need to do so — all the more so if the student is receptive to learning.

How can we take due precautions while giving guidance? By applying two principles. Before giving guidance, we can wait till they are ready to receive guidance. And after giving guidance, we check whether they have understood our inputs sufficiently to take informed decisions and, more importantly, to take ownership of their decisions.  

In the Bhagavad-gita, Krishna demonstrates both these principles. He doesn’t give guidance as long as Arjuna is simply thinking aloud, arguing or deciding for himself as happens in the Gita’s first chapter. Only when Arjuna explicitly submits and seeks guidance (02.07) does Krishna speak. And after concluding his message, Krishna specifically asks Arjuna whether he has heard attentively and understood clearly (18.72). 

One-sentence summary: 

To respect people’s independence while giving guidance, initially check whether they are really seeking guidance and concludingly check whether they are sufficiently informed about their options and convinced about their choice. 

Think it over: 

  • Why might we hesitate to offer guidance to others?
  • What precautions can we take while giving guidance?
  • How does Krishna exemplify giving guidance with due checks? 

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18.72: O son of Prutha, O conqueror of wealth, have you heard this with an attentive mind? And are your ignorance and illusions now dispelled?

How to give guidance while respecting people’s independence

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