We all have a need to be respected. At a basic level, when we enter a room, we would like to be noticed, greeted, and welcomed. Few things disturb us as much as when we are disrespected by others, especially by people we regularly interact with. Unfortunately, we can’t control how others treat us. Some people may never respect us, no matter what we do. 

Instead of worrying about earning their respect, we can work on earning our own respect. How can we do that? One easy way is by increasing our respect for our private time. 

We usually respect our public time — whenever we encounter someone who tends to waste our time, we try to end that interaction as quickly as possible. We want others to respect our time, but do we ourselves respect our time? When we are alone, how do we spend our time? Do we spend it on pointless net surfing, social media browsing or TV watching? Even if we avoid such external distractions, do we fritter our time on worthless inner fixations such as self-pity, revenge fantasies or daydreaming? Such wasteful self-indulgence characterizes self-defeating ignorance (Bhagavad-gita 18.35). 

To better utilize our private time, what could we do instead that would be more productive, more worthwhile, more fulfilling? Can we find just one small activity where we can acquit ourselves more constructively? When the urge to surf the net arises within us, maybe we can create a time limit for ourselves by scheduling an unavoidable task in, say, half an hour. Or when we start feeling sorry for ourselves, we can pick up a wisdom-text such as the Gita that helps us see our situation in proper perspective. By such doable actions, we can incrementally increase our respect for ourselves. 

Eventually, we will find that the inner dynamic of working toward becoming our best self becomes stimulating, absorbing and fulfilling. And how much others’ respect us won’t matter too much for us. 

One-sentence summary: 

Worry not about how we can earn others’ respect; work on how we can earn our own respect. 

Think it over:

  • What’s the problem with striving to earn others’ respect?
  • How can we earn our own respect?
  • When will others’ respect for us matter less for us?

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18.35: And that determination which cannot go beyond dreaming, fearfulness, lamentation, moroseness and illusion – such unintelligent determination, O son of Prutha, is in the mode of darkness.

Whose respect are we trying to earn?

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